Old Crone

IT’s been said that I’m a grumpy person.  That I can never say anything nice about anyone.  That I’ve been an oddball since birth.  My family really are my biggest fans.

Going through a day in my life, this is why I’m so highly strung

  • Top of my list is people who bring babies into work.  Sending your colleagues a photograph of your baby after the birth is fine, but you don’t need to bring the baby in like its show and tell.  Crying babies, dirty nappies and offices don’t mix.  Maternity leave is called that for a reason.  There are enough distractions when you’re trying to get your head down and earn a crust without adding a baby to it.
  • People who bring sponsor sheets to work.  No, I don’t want to sponsor your kid to say poems.
  • People who want the street to rear their kids.  How many of us live in an area and there’s been a family of kids knocking about since they could walk and you don’t know who owns them?
  • People who don’t clean up after their dogs
  • People who clean their cars by firing rubbish out the window
  • People who clean their gardens by throwing the rubbish out into the street
  • People who empty pots of food onto the street to feed the birds
  • People who have mortgages and say they own their house.  No, the bank owns your house until you pay off your mortgage.
  • People doing takeaway deliveries in DLA cars
  • People who change their windows because they look ‘too Housing Executivey’
  • Those who cannot pronounce their R’s but insist on naming their children Roisin, Martin or Rachel.
  • People who pick any sort of bodily crevice in public
  • People who finish crisps and fold the packet into a triangle.  Those who go on to pick their teeth with the triangle get an extra special dirty look.
  • False teeth in a jar with food particles stuck to them
  • People who clean their braces in front of you
  • Girls who constantly say “oh mummy!”
  • People who sit at the door of a black taxi and think shuffling to the side is their attempt at letting you past
  • Cats
  • Weird couples who feed each other in restaurants
  • Public displays of affection, especially old people
  • Sharing a drink, like both of you using the same drinking vessel
  • People who work with food and have dirty fingernails
  • Wet woolly jumpers and the sound it makes coming out of the washing machine
  • Wool biters.  Children are always doing this.
  • People who are physically and mentally fit but refuse to work
  • People who talk in the cinema or use their phones
  • Barmaids who only serve men
  • Barmen who only serve men
  • Patients who smoke outside hospitals
  • Doctors receptionists who think they’re the Chief Medical Officer of the world
  • People who wait until a shop assistant is ringing in their basket and then decide to continue shopping, thus holding up the queue
  • Couples who say “We’re pregnant”
  • People in mass who say their prayers louder and a split second behind everyone else just so everyone knows they know their prayers
  • People who leave skin, toenails and pubic hair in the bath
  • People who do not use a toilet brush and leave their skid marks as a trophy for all to see
  • People who wear odd socks
  • People who use wire coat hangers
  • People who hang tops on trouser hangers
  • Huggers – no need for a hug hello and a hug goodbye.  Once a year is fine
  • Spoilt kids

So that’s mine, what’s yours?