GIRLS, is there any chance you could go to a concert and enjoy the music?

You’re making your fellow females look like a bunch of whores.

Youth enjoyment at Tiesto/Calvin Harris in Dublin Pic credit: Reddit
Youth enjoyment at Tiesto/Calvin Harris in Dublin
Pic credit: Reddit

Here we go again, after the whole Slane Girl saga – mothers of teenage girls are peeking between their fingers and vowing to lock their daughters up until their wedding day.

Seriously though, what is the craic with this photograph? And before you start the whole boy girl whataboutery – I know.

So lets look at your wee lad thinking he’s being breastfed and look at the state of yonder boyo behind him with the piss stain the shape of Africa. Their pimply bakes have went viral and now they’re going to be known as those twats at the Tiesto concert in Dublin.

Not only do they have no idea how to behave in public, but they have incredibly poor taste in music. And it’s going to follow them for the rest of their lives.

But the main shock factor is, we again have another situation where a young girl is getting them out in public and loving it.


So who is to blame for this sudden exhibitionism?

This time I’ll give the Geordie Shore girls a break and go all Sinead O’Connor on your asses. I’m blaming the catholic church instead.


What has the Church got to do with wee girls getting on like pishies?

For too long, priests and nuns have had a hold over Irish women. Now that they aren’t allowed to lock us up in laundries and sell our babies onto rich Americans, they’ve held us down emotionally instead.

How many of us freak out when a stranger starts drying their privates in front of us in the changing rooms of the leisure centre?

Us girls taught in catholic schools have been reared to be ashamed of our bodies. To hide ourselves when getting dressed in communal shower rooms.

How many of us can take off our bras without removing our tops? How many of us put our fresh knickers on when wearing a towel?

We’ve been taught that masturbation is a sin and we’re going to hell for even attempting it. That’s why you’ll not see an Ann Summers opening up on the Andytown Road any time soon.

We’ve been told that we must lose our virginity to our husbands who are superior to us and that a woman’s place is in the home. Which is all a load of balls.  And girls of this generation know it.

They’re rebelling against what’s orthodox.  But adding legal highs and bad music to the equation often results in pictures like this.

Never once did I go to a gig, no matter how many drugs I was on – say to myself – yeah, I think I’ll get the nips out.

Either drugs are getting stronger or morals are getting looser.  Maybe both.

Either way, the public reputation of all Irish girls is on the line.  Before we know it, our daughters will be compared to English girls on holiday and nobody wants that.




26.08.14 update

The subject of girls behaving badly at concerts has become tiresome – therefore if you arrived here looking for pictures of Slanegirl, Avicci girl, Magaluf girl and the most recent Boucher girl then you’re out of luck.  You and me will just have to accept that al fresco foreplay is the done thing these days.  Although I was tempted to use the headline “Moi, I’m away to Vital to Guetta fingered”. 

I’m a disgusting person.  I know.