BEING a generous person and a frequent clearer outer of clutter – I subscribe to the local giving away and receiving sites. Half of my house has been gutted and donated over the years. Bed frames, children’s books and toys, pet cages, small shed, garden tools – you name it; if it’s too good for the bin – it goes on Freegle. Until I let rip one day and they banned me.

It went as thus. Every day an email arrived from someone whose ‘friend’ had just had a baby out of the blue and needed everything for it. Everything. You may know that nothing gets my goat more than people who want everything handed to them. It makes my horns pop up.

So, I placed a detailed highly sarcastic ad for an actual baby complete with designer clothes and everything it would need for the next five years. I received numerous replies from people telling me it was the funniest thing they have read and some replies from people devoid of a sense of humour. Tough gig. Ah well. Some yap claiming to have fertility problems reported me to the admins for hurting their feelings and I got barred from giving away my junk. I had to make a new identity to keep my house tidy.

Then this girl on Facebook put an ad up for ‘a chest freezer for her caravan because she was spending a fortune on fresh food everyday’. Cue the horns, red eyes and lightning finger tips.

After Freeglegate, I went easy on her. Or so I thought. I told her that people can’t afford freezers for their actual homes never mind their caravans – which are luxuries these days. Some of her mates came on slabbering and I was accused of being on a high horse. They gave me dogs abuse so I blocked them and maintained my stance on brassnecks.

A year later, I was at a wake and recognised a girl in the company. I asked her where I knew her from. Yep. It was freezer girl. Awks galore.

awks galore

Anyway. Look at this beauty that arrived in the inbox today.

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BelfastRab is building a hidey-hole by the looks of it but he needs a couple of things.

There’s a bit of a chill in the air so if you could send him over a wee halogen heater – that would be great.

He doesn’t want to work in the dark so a spotlight would be helpful.

When the shed is ready to spend hours doing whatever he’s doing he will need electric so some cable would be nice.

Now, he hasn’t got any screws to put the wood together so he will need loads of them.

He doesn’t want to look like an eejit with a blanket round him so it’s imperative that he gets some wall insulation.

His Missus must want him out of the house but within eyesight so he will need a window so she can see what he’s at.

His shed will need some colour, he hasn’t requested a specific hue.

An obvious one here – he needs a door to come and go. Maybe even lock himself in.

He won’t want any rain getting in and soaking him, so he wants sealant too.

Wee Rab is quite the handyman. To make the shed – he wants wood and metal sheets and a fancy power tool to do the work. That’s all.  

Feckin chancer… 


I had a check for yesterday’s email and low and behold, look whose wishlist appeared.  It’s even worse than todays.

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