Image: Mick Wallace.net
MICK WALLACE lit a wee fire in the Dáil last week and walked away from it.

That fire was caught by the North wind and it’s now a raging furnace in the occupied six.

The North wind has many links to literature.

One such fairy tale is ‘The Lad who went to the North Wind’. The North wind gave the lad a tablecloth that produces food, a donkey that produces gold and a stick that beats a person on command. It’s a wonder this isn’t a popular story in Northern Ireland.

Wallace didn’t contact the Guards about his allegations because they’re a matter of concern for another country; so he wasn’t legally obliged to.

Never mind the fact that Wallace faced similar property related allegations himself not too long ago. But that’s politics.  

For those of you unfamiliar with Wallace, he’s a former builder. A real man of the people elected as an Independent for Wexford. His website suggests he likes the colour pink and his appearance is masculine with fabulous hair. He looks a bit like King Triton from The Little Mermaid.

He’s known to speak up for the Irish fishing industry, campaigning to raise quotas. Like most anglers; he cast his line, sat back for four days and waited for a fish to take the bait.

Some people on the net immediately caught on to whom the allegations concerned.

Photographs of them standing together looking friendly emerged.

Mike Nesbitt was first to stand up and say it wasn’t him. So it definitely wasn’t a member of the UUP either.

Barrister Jim Allister from the Traditional Unionist Voice went about it the right way and fired off these twenty-one questions.

But legal speak and factual evidence is too hard for some. Waiting for the answers to the questions would take too long.

The public were waiting with anticipation.

Just one wee guppy taking a bite of the bait would be enough.

That wee fishy turned out to be an octopus because Mick Wallace’s allegations grew some tentacles last night and now the sea beast is splashing around off the coast of Donaghadee revelling in attention.

Octopus: burymewithmyneedles.com
Here are some facts about Octopi:

They squirt ink when under threat

Their main brain is the size of a walnut

The hardest part of its body is its mouth

They have no back bone

They are venomous

They can hide in plain sight

They only leave their homes to eat or reproduce


Whether the octopus is telling fairy tales or not – it’s a damn good story.