Our friendship began in Primary 4 at St Oliver Plunkett. We had a substitute teacher called Mrs Doran. She was a very nice lady and easy going. As long as we did the work, she was good to us. Geraldine and I were seated together. We didn’t speak much as we had different sets of friends and I always thought she was a bit weird.
One day Geraldine sent a note with some nonsense written on it. I passed one back. It read: “Old King Billy had a ten foot….” And you already know the rest.
The class gobshite raised her hand and touted on us. Geraldine hadn’t even read what I had passed her. We were summoned to the teacher’s desk and I was ordered to produce said note. Heart banging in my chest, I tore it in half behind me and handed a scrap over. The class gobshite again “Miss, Aine has another bit behind her back”. Mrs Doran put the two pieces together and read my tale about King Billy’s genitals and his neighbour who liked to tend to her garden. Expressionless she told us we were a disgrace and told us to sit back in our seats.
From that day on, we laughed, fought, cried and got into all kinds of trouble growing up together.
She once stayed in our house for the weekend and brought a shrine to Michael Jackson with her. Her memorabilia included cassette tapes, framed pictures and a life-size cardboard cut-out. I ordered her to take them down because he creeped me out. And still does even though he’s a skeleton.
One night when we were about 14, we had a sleep over in Geraldine’s house. A friend, Marie Clare slegged wacko Jacko and Geraldine cracked up and threw her out of her house. Marie Clare walked home to Lenadoon at 4am and slept in her coal shed beside her three legged dog Madhu because her Mummy was away to Donegal for the night. She said her Ma came home the next day to find her looking like Rambo and smelling like dog.
I’ve never had a sister but as Geraldine annoys me every single day and I want to kill her sometimes, she more or less feels like the sister I never had. There’s not much we don’t know about each other.
Image credit: Jim Corr
There’s times when we fall out because we have different viewpoints on social issues and it’s always me that makes the peace. We forget about our fall outs and have the best laughs and there are times we sit in comfortable silence at ease with neither of us saying anything. Where she has strong principles, I haven’t many. She’s careful with whom she gets into a relationship with whereas I’m in the running with J-Lo and Cheryl Cole for how many husbands I can get before I die.
She is thirty five, lives alone and has no kids. She has tried the online dating game but still hasn’t found a match. Is there a man out there with Christian values, isn’t afraid of cats, can put up with her strange quirky traits, has money to take her out but also likes Michael Jackson? If this is you, get in touch – let’s see if you pass the friendship test.