PEOPLE from Belfast are the friendliest, funniest and most offensive you could ever meet.

We can insult you and make you laugh at the same time, we have a unique humour that only we get and find funny. It’s probably one of the reasons why most people hate living here but they’ll never move anywhere else.

After reactivating my Facebook account, I noticed it was a dull environment with lots of depressing posts. So I was inspired to have a bit of craic in the way that only we know how. I asked my friends to hit me with their best insults and they didn’t disappoint. The vast majority of these insults came from old school friends. St Louise’s turned out some classy birds in 1998. This has to be my most vile post to date. Sorry. Not sorry.

Feel free to use these at your leisure or block me from showing up on your newsfeed ever again. Whatever floats your boat.

Belfast banter

Giz a go at your tuna cave

I wouldn’t even ride you into battle

I’d spill my wallpaper paste all over you

If she was my daughter, I’d still be bathing her

If you’re old enough to bleed, you’re old enough to breed

You may watch him, he’d buck your granny

Wouldn’t touch you with a bag of stolen vannies/dicks

Wouldn’t buck you with someone else’s cack

Friendly Conversation

Alright big trunks

Did you hear about the two gay boxers? One gave the other a walt in the mouth

Get her bucked

Gorrilla ballix

Hairy hole

How’s your belly off for blackheads?

How’s your hole for love bites?

My girl can’t wrestle but you should see her box

Genital related insults

Beef curtains

Your vanny smells like beef space raiders

Ya cuntshite ye

Business must be good for her, if she had another pair of legs – she’d open in Lisburn

She works in Ardglass Harbour

Your doot must be like Castle Street

Her gee smells like sardines

Fishy Flaps

Needle dick

Limp dick

Skebby dick

Clay dick

You have a vanny like a pulled out fireplace

Go away

Ack away and shite

Away and take your face for a shite

Away and play around your own door

Feck off and give your head a wobble

Suck the back of em

It wouldn’t take you to have low self-esteem

What are you going to do for a face when the dog wants it’s arse back?

You couldn’t like you if you breast fed you

You have a face like a well chewed chip

You’ve a set of teeth like the Dunville Park railings

You’ve a face like a bag of smashed crabs

At least my Ma didn’t feed me hand grenades when I was a chile

Your teeth look like a burnt out village

Did you fall off the ugly tree or were you bate across the face with a frying pan?

Your hole’s like the back end of a bus

You’ve had more dick in a week than I’ve had hot dinners

Kipper knickers

Yo-yo knickers

Your tits are like Spaniels ears

Your camel toe is like John Wayne’s saddle bags

One’s mother

Your Ma should have swallowed ye

The best part of you ran down your Ma’s legs

Tell your Ma to stop changing her lipstick, my dick looks like a rainbow

Your Ma’s had more dickends than weekends

Your Ma gives blow jobs for focus points

Your Ma’s an aul one

Your Ma uses dicks for tampons

Threats

Do you like hospital food?

I’ll bury my boot in your ballix

I’ll strike ye down

Pick a windie

Does your Ma sew? Get her to stitch this

I’ll stick my toe up your hole

Your man’s/woman’s

An aul pishy

A Balloon

A Comanche

A Ballbeg/Ballbag

A Buckbeg/Buckbag

A Bin lid

A Dirty clart

A Dose

An Eejit

A Ganch

A Latchyko

A Lamper

A Spunk bucket

A Tool

A Wank dog

A Wank pot

Been bucked bendy

 

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